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A touch of evil, Ducati 999

Discussion in 'Motorcycle Talk' started by GS1200, Aug 8, 2012.

  1. I found this well written piece on the Motorcyclist cafe web site.

    A touch of evil.
    Ducati’s 999, a hyper-fast race bike for the street, has designs on your soul.

    If you enjoy the wide-open freedom of a motorcycle, the wind in your face, the carefree, horizon-chasing moment, then by all means avoid the Ducati 999. This thing is misery on two wheels, a wickedly disposed and temperamental exercise of sheer mechanical narcissism upon which you assume a posture like it’s flashlight inspection day in prison. Its 140-hp L-twin motor runs on damned souls and is lubricated with the fat of unbaptized children. All this bike wants to do, all it dreams about at night, is catapulting you over the handlebars or pitching you backward onto the streaming concrete so you make one of those slo-mo, Evel-Knievel-at-Ceasars-Palace death rolls in your fancy Italian riding leathers.

    So plan your day accordingly: After riding this bike, you will need some time to unwind. Go for a Polynesian fire walk, perhaps. Play some Russian roulette. Or, if so equipped, have a vasectomy.

    The 999 is one of a mutant species of vehicles built to meet the production-based rules of a racing series, a process called homologation. The American Superbike Championship requires that competing bikes must be largely based on series-production motorcycles. In order to make the Ducatis more competitive, the company has built the 999, which is, in fact, a pitifully disguised racing superbike with just enough street-legal spit on it to pass DMV inspection.

    Made of steel, titanium, aluminum and sadism, the 999 is almost as close as you are going to get to a grand prix motorcycle, and unless you are a fantastic rider with years of experience, you don’t want to get that close. This bike will beat you down like you said something bad about its mother.

    My license should have lasted about a week with this bike, maybe less. However, it persists. The fundamental ratio of performance machines is power to weight, usually expressed as pounds per horsepower. A Ferrari F430 with driver weighs about 3,300 pounds, a burden shared by its 490 horsepower, which the abacus tells us is about 6.7 pounds per horsepower. The Ducati 999 (dry weight of 410 pounds) weighs about 590 pounds with me on board, which means each of its 140 horsepower must move only about 4.2 pounds. Holy gateway to hell Batman!

    It’s hard for those who have not saddled a superbike to appreciate the sick, perverted violence of this equation. If you rev the 999′s engine to about 6,000 rpm, shift as much of your weight as possible over the front wheel, and gingerly slip the clutch for a couple hundred feet – and if you can hang onto it – the bike will accelerate from 0-60 mph in about 3 seconds. Your wits might take a bit longer to catch up.

    Oh, and what’s that smell? Why it’s my roasting thighs. It’s hot as brass hinges in hell is what it is. There are times that I’ve thought my pants were on fire. This is caused by the heart of the 999 (that is, if it had a heart), a 998-cc displacement, liquid-cooled, L-twin engine. This motor has to be the most highly stressed engine in any street vehicle, producing 140 hp out of less than one liter displacement.

    The 999 is a very naughty motorcycle. But, pound for ornery pound, this has got to be the most dynamically perfect motorcycle in the world. Yes, once you master the brakes, the stuttering dry-plate clutch, the splenetic throttle, the aching-back riding position and its overall hell hound demeanor, the 999 can still be a traumatic life event. I mean, come on, it’s a racing bike! It is to normal street bikes what crystal meth is to your morning coffee.

    I have never been so relieved to park any vehicle unscathed in my garage.

    by collective
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2012
  2. I will let him park it in my garage.:stir:

  3. Aaaaa.......Ducati.....why I love em....mi bella dama
  4. 999 is 666 upside down. :devil:
  5. Does that mean it's the opposite of evil, or just evil upside down?8)
  6. "Its 140-hp L-twin motor runs on damned souls and is lubricated with the fat of unbaptized children."

    I think I want one.
  7. Are_Six

    Are_Six Moderator Staff Member

    That's how a liter bike should treat you. Screw all this traction control and anti-lock brake crap. I'd rather highside than have some computer tell me how much throttle the rear tire can take!

  8. ninjaofdoom

    ninjaofdoom <a href="

    "Its 205-hp L-twin motor runs on damned souls and is lubricated with the fat of unbaptized children."

    Pretty sure this applies to the 1199 as well. And it is also hellfire hot.
  9. When I ride my 848, I feel like I'm one with the bike. I feel like it wants to be ridden, like it wants me to point in the right direction. It needs some love, some smoothness, some caress. My 999 on the other hand, wants my ass thrown to the ground. Wrestling is a more accurate description than riding. I love it.
  10. Reminds me of Hunter S Thompson on the Ducati 900

  11. FireDave

    FireDave Banned Camp

    I love good writing.
  12. It's evil disguised. But I recognize it because I know better!! :evil4:
  13. Like the guy said, "I like good writing". It cant be that bad. I went from a DRZ400 to a liter Monster and it was an eye opener but riding the 749/999 bikes are like wiping your ass with silk as the Frenchman said.
  14. +1

    Aprilia please!

    Great article though.
  15. I LOVE my old .9 liter Monster - but the 999...

    If I got one I think I might just drain the fluids and mount it to the wall in my living room with a couple of small spot lights on it - ART in its most basic sense!!
    Of course it would have to be RED!!

    Ride it... Maybe once - just to see!! My old Monster keeps me happy enough - then again, I am now older and less crazy now!!

  16. liv4thekill

    liv4thekill Mr. Lexus

    Great thread - reminded me of a quote from a MCN shootout about my first literbike:

    "a wild-eyed stallion, waiting to trample your daisies, rape your livestock, and, if you're lucky, land you in jail. If you're not lucky... well I don't even want to think about it."
  17. :mfclap: Gotta love Italian style :thefinge:

    Americans are turning into the Japanese as of late. We can make something better, but we can't come up with anything. :tard:
  18. Or, if so equipped, have a vasectomy.

    Well, since I've had the vasectomy, I guess that means I should go try a 999 out.
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